If I could have dinner with someone, who would it be and where would you go?

I would go to dinner with Jesus and Gandhi and Oprah and Nelson Mandela, Ellen, and we would all go to a classy cafe in France for a light brunch, where we will discuss life and our metaphysical perspectives on humanity and the human spirit.

What makes a good selfie?

Confidence, girl.
No matter how many filters you use, you can't mask a picture that lacks fierceness.

See?

Confidence is key. Unleash your inner Beyonce.

HASTAG NO FILTER. HASHTAG FABULOUS.

Lastly, don't be one of those people to who try to take artsy pictures of a body part. I scroll over those.

"Eye have no life."

That's it for my tips. Please take selfies responsibly. That is all.

If I could go to space, would I?

HECK NO. Have you seen Gravity??? Somewhere out there, George Clooney is still orbiting the Earth. Oh God. What if you were lost in space? No one would ever find you. You'd be floating around in oblivion for millions of years until you reach the edge of the ever-expanding universe, which means that there is no edge, so you would be floating in space until you reach a black hole where time is warped, so you'll be sucked in what seems like years but is actually minutes and then spewed out into a different dimension where aliens are a thing, or even worse, other versions of yourself, and they'll abduct you and probe you and turn you into a mindless zombie mutant slave where you'll serve the lizard king against your own will, and you'll be like, ah, no don't take me I just want to be free, I just wanted to be an individual and stand out from the crowd and say that I went to space so I'll be loved and accepted by my peers, when in fact no, you don't have to be one of the cool cats to be accepted in life, because the secret to happiness lies within yourself, but it's too late for that now, because the lizard king has you, and he's messing with your mind and telling you these things that he thinks you want to hear when in fact he's getting you to steal children and candy and do bad stuff because he wants to take over the universe and you can't do anything about it because your life is sad and you did a blog about outer space and figured out that you never will find out what happened to George Clooney and his boyish charm. Oh the horror. Oh the mutiny.

How forgiving am I when a friend lets me down?

Well.
I'd consider myself a rational person–who allows herself to let out steam through irrational action–so, you know, that requires me to be pretty forgiving. I forgive people no matter what they do, but the course of my forgiving transformation depends on the gravity of the friend's offense.

What would my American Gladiator name be?

My name would be Loser, because I would die within a five-mile ratio of that area in which American Gladiator would be held. During sophomore year, I did three-and-a-half push ups for the Fitness Gram. That's sad.

What do I think of Donald Sterling?

That guy is ridiculous. I mean, even though just by looking at him–an old, rich white guy–you can tell he's going to be racist, but the fact that he owns a basketball team (seriously, name one good white player) and that he has that kind of attitude is unbelievable. Then again, I think that his girlfriend was setting him up in the first place by recording him and getting him to say those things, but no one cares about that. Everyone should just criminalize the racist. That just proves what a sensitive topic racism is. Nobody wants to be called a racist, but they are confused when no one else agrees with their racist ideas.

What is my favorite app and why?

I like Instagram, but I can live without it. I can live without any apps. Just give me texting and calling, and I'll be okay.

Chorus to my original song commemorating my original life

I like pandas yes I do

I like almond milk and sushi too

I like reading books and poo

I guess my friends are alright too

*dubstep dance break*

I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BAAAAAAAAALLLLLL

 

Sue me for copyright infringement, I don't care. I do it better than Miley.

Which emoji am I?

STORY OF MY LIFE.

This defines me because I am the sass master, and I always feel the need to gesture as if I am holding an imaginary tray of quinoa.

Quinoa is so good.